Find X

To find x has been the most consistent quest of my life.

From the bubbly memories of my childhood when the powerpuff girls could still save the day, Chemical X was the most intriguing mystery. Had it not been for chemical X, the city of Townsville, USA would have had to face a sad fate at the hands of its monsters of reptilian/alien/robotic descent, without the ‘just-in-time’ epical kindergarten heroes. If only in my dreams, lady-luck smiled a charming smile and elevated my passionate daydreams into – well – adventurous night dreams.

That is where I first befriended mysterious Mr. X. It taught me to dream while I thought I was simply looking for it.

I could find x in my school notebooks, surely alongside the alphabet that first opened my eyes to the written word, but doubtless it would be standing with even more confidence alongside a lot of nots! I solved a thousand algebraic equations to find x. It was this search that taught me mathematics. I was meant to go off to sleep with the knowledge that although for the day my job was done, the next day would bring along more x’s to find!

When Christmas arrived with its bright lights, long vacations and celebratory mood at the end of a long year – my eyes pondered a second more at the X on the X-Mas, appearing in various forms everywhere during celebrations, unable to detach from the playful and merry feeling it exuded, nothing more fittingly signified the festivities. The strength of love and kindness could be felt without being spoken of. It made me hope. While decorations changed over the years, so did houses, people and wishes. We were never the same as we had been the last year. But even in the dilemma when you would lift your head from a bow at the church, the ‘X’ sparkled constantly, and so did our hopes and wishes. We prayed with the same sincerity and it was then that I first saw glimpses of faith.

The rhetoric incorrigibly finds me, sometimes placing its mammoth self in an inignorable position, or otherwise just finding a snug corner at the back of my head. Either way, our destinies bring us together time and again. It is a story unfolding overtime.

X no more is being choked into a mere mathematical variable. It is a humble acceptance, to let it embrace its truly deserved freedom. It can spread its wings and let its spirit soar to the wildest of horizons. The irony in finding x is that even with everything else concrete and available, x is what it truly is – a variable. It is the unquenchable human curiosity that forces one to look beyond the face value and forces one to question, search and inquire. I tend to lose myself even before I get a fraction closer in fulfilling my desire. Lost in the intricate golden-yellow print on a South Indian Kanjivaram Saree, to the fantasies of the frosty heights of the mighty Himalayas, lost in curiosity. From the magical streets engulfed in the aroma of spices to the rows of bright glowing oil lamps put out during the festive mood of the much-celebrated Diwali. X is the unknown. To look for X is to be curious and to look beyond the obvious. To search for x is to look for the heartbeat of something new, what moves us, and makes us want to move the world to simply know its meaning. X makes me appreciate a perfect world and want to know what makes it so. X sends me out on a quest. And this quest gives me meaning. For all you know, you are x. You are your own axis. You are your own essence. Defining your meaning every time you step out in sunshine to dazzle the world with your brilliance. And this is our sole power. When we look for x within us, and know its power, we can define our own worth.

X can set the world record for its multi-metamorphosis or mutability. This quest does not have an answer. The journey beholds more significance than the destination, the latter simply being an excuse.

X lies stoutly in the question and sends into a frenzy of search all its enthusiasts. As we scurry around desperately to find meaning, it is ironic that x is to be found most easily if we look at the question with real intent. It is right there. I find the answer when I find the meaning of what I am looking for. Well it sounds easy enough, the only condition is that to know the meaning of x, I have to undertake the journey to look for x – the meaning forms on its own.

So even though I am no better posed at having found x than I seemed to when I fought teaming up with the powerpuff girls, I am glad. For, well, if Tom and Jerry had settled as best of friends, the show would not go on.

I have still not found x. I have found more than I expected.

For those who are still looking, it is right there.