Why don’t they teach our hearts to be as quick as our minds? Move quickly, ruthlessly. My heart falls in love slowly. And doesn’t move so quickly. There is ill-synchronization – this process design would naturally be systematically wrong, and give a right scenario only by chance. Problem identified. Solution awaited.
Step 1: Stop listening to the heart. It is a fool. The heart is the devil. It will pine and cry and demand.
Step 2: You said no to the heart in the first instance. The heart should mellow down by now. Look at it with tenderness. Listen to it. Exhausted of crying, it would now be calmer. Ask the heart what it wants. It will reply quietly. Ask the heart ‘why?’ It will invariably have an answer. If it continues to ask for the same thing, let it have some.
Step 3: If everything goes well: congratulations. If it doesn’t, well, continue to Step 4.
Step 4: If everything isn’t as planned, its alright. Life isn’t a perfect story. Remember never to put your life on hold for anyone. This is a recipe for disaster – it brews all kinds of unnecessary expectations. Improvise. Compromise. Do not idealize.
Step 5: If things don’t work out despite genuine effort, you should know the limit to which you are willing to go. If anything asks you to lower your self-esteem – drop it.
Step 6: Drop it, Move on. Remember, don’t put your life on hold.
Step 7: Easier said than done? I agree. But you have simply got to do it. Stand up straight, throw back your hair, and get on with work. You have a life, the centre of which is you . Someone once told me a brilliant quote by Charlie Chaplin: “Life is a tragedy in close-up, but a comedy in long shot.” Look at the big picture and be grateful for the experience that made you more aware of yourself. Before I sleep at night, I thank God for all the bad experiences that have hurt me in some way. These are the experiences that make you go outside your comfort zone. If life were a jungle, this experience just made you fitter to survive. You just smoothened a rough edge that you had, and are now stronger for everything else that you wanted, and I do know you have many dreams that are blazing inside you asking for some fresh air. Go tend to them.
Step 8: When in life you look back, don’t regret anything. It is what you wanted and you did everything in good faith. For the next time, I would remember these lines I once heard from sufi singer Shafqat Amanat Ali: “Hamne usase wafa mangi jise wafa ka matlab hi nahi pata”, “I asked for the sincerity from one, who is oblivious to what it means.” Forgive yourself and move on. Next time, give the mind more time to audit your heart’s whims.